Grace & Gender
Why Does Church Discipline Seem to Target Women?
By now, you’ve probably seen the video—or at least heard about it. A young woman, brought before her congregation, publicly repenting for an out-of-wedlock pregnancy. It’s hard to watch. For some, it was a moment of accountability. For others, it felt more like humiliation.
Either way, it struck a nerve.
I created this platform to explore what it means to live out the teachings of Jesus in the modern world. One of the ways I do that is through cultural commentary—taking moments like this and holding them up to the light of Scripture. Because these moments don’t just spark conversations; they expose questions we all wrestle with.
This isn’t about piling on the people in the video. Because moments like these don’t just tell us about the church in the video; they tell us about the church as a whole—and how we navigate a culture that is watching closely.
So, let’s dive into this. Not to judge but to learn. Not to justify but to seek the gospel’s wisdom for moments like this.
The tension between grace and truth has always been challenging for the church.
Too much grace, and we risk excusing sin.
Too much truth, and we risk crushing the very people we’re called to reach.
It’s a fine line to walk—and if we’re honest, the church has often drawn that line much sharper with women than with men.
Interestingly, that bias is not exclusive to modern culture.
Take the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8. It’s a familiar scene: the religious leaders drag her before Jesus, demanding a verdict. The law is clear—she deserves punishment. But Jesus does something unexpected. He stoops down, writes in the dirt, and then says, “Let any of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” One by one, the crowd disperses until it’s just Jesus and the woman. He looks at her and says, “Neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin.”
While this woman’s story ended differently—thanks to Jesus Himself stepping in—it’s hard to miss the parallels to how women are treated in modern culture.
I just have a few questions I’d like to explore, and I’ll back off.
1. Where is the Man?
The first question almost leaps off the page in John 8: If she was caught “in the act,” where is the man?
Adultery is not a solo activity, yet only the woman is dragged into the temple courts. This glaring omission isn’t just an oversight; it reflects cultural biases that have existed for centuries. In the patriarchal structures of ancient Israel—and many other societies—women were often held to stricter moral standards than men, even when both were equally culpable.
Fast forward to today, and not much has changed.
The viral video of the young woman publicly repenting for her pregnancy begs the same question: Where is the man? Why isn’t he standing next to her and sharing in the accountability? This selective application of discipline isn’t just unfair; it’s unbiblical. Scripture shows that God’s justice is not partial—it calls everyone to account, regardless of gender or status. Yet, in practice, the weight of judgment often falls more heavily on women, reinforcing harmful stereotypes and perpetuating inequality.
2. Why Does the Public Spotlight Seem Reserved for Women’s Mistakes?
Public shaming has a long and troubling history. From scarlet letters to viral videos, society has often weaponized public humiliation against women. The church, sadly, has not always been immune to this trend. In John 8, the woman caught in adultery is dragged into the most public place imaginable: the temple courts.
It’s a spectacle designed to make an example of her.
Modern culture isn’t so different. The church has, at times, mirrored society’s tendency to police women’s morality more harshly than men’s. We see this not only in moments like the viral video but in the broader ways women are scrutinized in their dress, behavior, and choices. Men’s moral failures are often treated as private matters, while women’s are dragged into the spotlight as if their mistakes require a more public reckoning.
But Jesus didn’t use public shaming as a tool. His way was restorative, not performative. Even when He confronted the Samaritan woman at the well, He did so privately, offering dignity and a path to transformation. The church should follow His example and stop turning women into public spectacles.
3. If People Approve, Does That Make it Right?
One of the more troubling justifications for the viral video is that the congregation seemed to have no issue with it. “The people didn’t object,” some argue. “The church approved.” On the surface, this might seem like a reasonable defense. If the majority of those present were comfortable with the practice, does that not lend it legitimacy?
The answer is no.
Public approval, while powerful, has never been an adequate standard for morality. Throughout human history, crowds have supported all manner of injustices. They have cheered at executions, remained silent in the face of systemic oppression, and turned a blind eye to the suffering of their neighbors.
Furthermore, power, fear, and tradition can shape public approval within a specific church context. In hierarchical structures, where leadership wields significant authority, members may feel pressured to conform outwardly to practices they inwardly question. Silence or even applause from a congregation does not always reflect wholehearted agreement; it can also reflect discomfort, fear of reprisal, or a lack of understanding of alternative approaches.
4. Does This Reflect the Heart of Jesus?
This is the ultimate question.
Does the way we handle sin, discipline, and accountability reflect the heart of Jesus?
In John 8, Jesus disrupts the entire system. He doesn’t ignore the woman’s sin nor join in the crowd’s condemnation. Instead, He exposes their hypocrisy, reminding us that none of us is without sin.
Modern church practices often fall short of this balance. Public shaming may claim to uphold truth, but it often forgets grace. It prioritizes the approval of the crowd over the restoration of the individual. And, as we see in cases like the viral video, it perpetuates cultural biases that Jesus Himself challenged.
To embody the gospel, we must ask hard questions about our practices. Are we restoring people, or are we crushing them under the weight of judgment? And when it comes to issues of gender, are we following Jesus’ example or reflecting the inequities of the culture around us?
The heart of Jesus is clear: grace and truth extended equally to all.
It’s time the church led the way.
Work These Words
I invite you to pause and reflect on how you embody grace and truth.
Use these four reflection questions to help you get started.
1. Are you following Jesus’ example or reflecting the inequities of the culture around you?
2. Do you consciously or unconsciously hold different accountability standards for women than men?
3. Have you ever sat back silently, allowing something to continue when you knew it was wrong?
4. How can you embody Jesus’ balance of grace and truth in your relationships and community?
As you sit with these questions, may they draw you closer to the One who is grace and truth.